Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
