My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
did you just send me my own nude
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
