omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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