The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
