so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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