there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
