i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my being single is dangerous.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
