i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
