I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
