OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
