wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
