I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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