A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
