i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
