I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
