ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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