Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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