So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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