just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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