SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
