Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
