i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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