wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
