I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
