I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
