I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
