Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
