thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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