so explain again why im purple
no
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
smell my finger.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
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I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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