hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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