It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
