My friends, they love my intelligence
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
this is an emotional support booty call
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
