I am puke
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
