Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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