i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
