he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
