I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
