It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
