There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
