I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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