Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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