with your own penis?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
