I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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