i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
