A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have fence marks all over my body
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
