Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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