I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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