I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
