Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
