I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
