I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
