I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
