addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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