Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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