chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
