Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
