i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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