she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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