They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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