he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
