I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
