Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
