i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
