I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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