woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
