oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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