Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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