....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just want nice things and good sex
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
