They should really pass out barf bags in church
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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