so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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