pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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